Absence of Expectation

One painting from the Midnight Series

Getting to sleep has, lately, become a nightly struggle. I lie in the quiet dark, a captive audience to my racing mind, where thoughts churn, refusing to let me sleep. Exhaustion settles deep, yet rest remains elusive, leading to hours spent reading, writing, and watching time pass.

One restless evening, as I performed a late tidying of my studio, a defiant thought took root: If midnight finds me still awake, I will return and paint. It was a spontaneous plan to reclaim the lost hours through creative action.

Now, I perform a small ritual before bed. I prep a canvas for an abstract painting, laying down the initial marks with Payne’s Grey and Gamsol. With a thin brush, I trace dark, searching lines, loops, and marks—a form of night drawing—allowing this foundation to dry overnight, ready for the infusion of color. I ensure a few clean brushes are waiting, ready to meet the fresh, residual paint often still waiting on my palette from the day before.

When the clock hand sweeps past the witching hour and the familiar restlessness persists, I rise. The walk to the studio is quiet and deliberate. Under the electric light, I begin to layer the color—a feverish, half-awake burst of action using oil sticks, drawing oils, or the waiting brushes. This intense, midnight session of creation rarely lasts longer than thirty minutes.

The profound benefit of these nocturnal sessions is the absence of expectation. In the deep silence, there is no pressure to achieve ‘greatness,’ no need for cognitive engagement in perfect design or calculated color theory. It is a pure, unburdened process of instinctive mark-making, allowing the materials themselves to guide the hand.

The following morning, I return to the studio, seeing the night’s impulsive gestures in the clarity of day. The chaotic foundation is transformed into the deliberate starting point for a finished work, turning a cycle of lost sleep into the beginning of an unexpected new series which I call The Midnight Series.